NL100 Update

Made a few big hands and got paid off and also blundered a few times and paid other people off but the former happened a little more often than the latter and I'm up to $169.00 at NL100. I'm running pretty good but not really even enjoying it because I feel like I'm just luckboxing my wins and getting outplayed in my losses and these are fucking kiddie stakes anyway.

I'm still feeling really psychologically unstable and reacting really strongly and emotionally to every lost pot, which is really out of character for me. For example, as this was happening, my inner monologue was something like "okay, late position open and flat, I can probably squeeze here. Great, the original raiser folded, I'm definitely taking this down...wait, what the fuck is the guy who flatted on the button doing calling? Ugh whatever, this clown folds to my cbet on any flop almost always...WHAT THE FUCK is he doing calling me on this flop? His line makes no fucking sense. What the fuck is this? I have ace high, I have to check/fold but GOD I wish I there was some way I could fucking punish this fucker. Fucking dammit, what the fuck could he possibly have there? A set? Two pair? A fucking straight? Does he have an underpair that I can make him fold by firing again on the turn? Is he exploiting the shit out of me with pure air? What the fuck is this? I have no fucking clue what's going on here. What the fuck? No idea what's in his range here but my equity against is probably pretty bad so I guess have to fucking fold here. What the fuck? Fuck! FUCK!"

This is really out of character for me. I used to pride myself on my zen-like ability to absorb beats and just grind away with a placid aplomb. But recently I've been experiencing really powerful frustration and aggravation seemingly ever session. And, in a perverse negative-feedback-loop kind of way, the fact that I'm tilting is further tilting me because it makes me feel worse about myself because I've lost the ability not to tilt.

NL100 Progress

$169.00 / $1,000.00